• Bill Buescher

State of the Date - 2020

Our Fellow Daters,


The State of the Date is strong in 2020. After almost a decade of dating on our phones, the process has been sophisticated and now savviness will rule. Old are the days of “U up?” texts and dead-in-the-water coffee meet-ups. The methodical dater of 2020 has a new set of challenges and a new set of tools to make real, meaningful, honest, and long-lasting connections. The dates in this new decade also have their challenges, their potholes, and their dead-ends. We at Polar Baer would like to take some time and detail the State of the Date in 2020 and make sure this is your most successful decade of dating ever.

Apps, Avatars, and Appetites


One of the most salivating features of dating in the 2010’s was the seemingless endless access to “dates” via Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Swipe after swipe after swipe, a new face (and a new puppy) would effortlessly appear. What took some time for users to catch onto, however, was the elusive nature of what we decided to call a “date”. For many (and for most actually) the “dates” simply did not appear. A swipe right would be met with an enthusiastic swipe left. A campy, shrink-wrapped pick-up line would be met with stark silence; an earnest message fared no better. Conversations that did find some downhill momentum often flat-lined inexplicably and brought us all back to where we started: alone on our phones. It’s no wonder why the colloquialism for dating became swiping and not connecting—because, in the end, swiping is all we did.


And the “dates” weren’t much better. She doesn’t look like that, he’s not that tall, she doesn’t really like The Office, he doesn’t own that puppy. The pitfalls were endless. It became clear that whatever was being represented on the profiles was not exactly honored in person. That became most evident in whatever the word connection was supposed to mean. Having a beer with someone you're physically attracted to without the critical element of connection ended up feeling more like drinking with a stranger than it did a capital D Date.


The future shines!


The 20’s will be much, much different. When Connection is the name of the game, those who want to meet will meet and those who don’t, won’t. It will be better for all parties included because people who didn’t want to connect with anyone in the first place will get out of the way of people who genuinely want to engage with others and date in New York (and beyond) with enthusiasm, curiosity, and zeal. The apps will be less like virtual bars, full of hazy and confused strangers averting their gaze, and more like actual tools to help you date in the real world. Think Shazam: It doesn’t tell you what music to listen to, it helps you find out more about what music you are already listening to. It helps you deepen where you are and engages you more deeply with what’s actually happening around you. Apps like polar baer will do the same: connect you more deeply to the real world. And because of this so much of the nonsense that is now meme’d to death will be dead-on-site.


Examples include:

  • Lying about your height/age/weight/looks— everything will be out in the open

  • Using your taste in guilty pleasure TV shows to disqualify you

  • Using your taste in Indie music to trick your date into thinking your more cultured than you really are

  • Wasting all your energy on messages that don’t get read (and didn’t want to get written)


It will be replaced with:

  • Excellent listening skills

  • Unique and genuine questions

  • Quick and merciful rejections

  • The entire world becoming your dating app, instead of just the swipes available

  • Everyone on their best behavior because a new connection is always just around the corner


This only a glimpse of what lies in store for us, the dating public, this decade. As with anything worth having, our collective pursuit for suitable suitors will persistently feel like an uphill battle, but we are now truly prepared for the real romances that are surely around the corner. The opportunities will be as bountiful as the challenges. We here at polar baer are your Number One advocate as we all hunger for more dating and less apps in 2020.